Sunday, October 19, 2008

"one" day: Part 1

Hey everybody.....Remember THIS???

As a mother (or any parent, really), how do you even begin to describe such an occassion? As in, the moment your life was completely turned upside down. How do you describe the undescribable? I guess the answer is, you don't. Atleast *I* don't. I don't even know where to start.

Just over a year ago, my sweet little boy came into my life, and changed it forever. I have been reminiscing and watching this little video of our first moments together. Just after he was all bundled up and placed in my arms.

And seeing this in hindsight, well....I have to admit. There were a few things that surprised me.

First....Is my hair REALLY that dark? I had no idea!

And second....why in the world do they make hospital gowns so ugly? Knowing cadrillions of pictures are going to be snapped of new moms holding beautiful babies in those horrible things.


But one thing became glaringly obvious to me as I watched and re-watched this short clip. The moment Miles was placed in my arms was nothing like I expected. It's true, I had MANY pre-conceived notions of exactly how that moment would go. After months and months (9 to be exact) of watching "A Baby Story", "House of Babies", "Runway Moms", and Countless others. (My Tivo nearly filled right up with pregnant mom birthing babies shows.) I still have it all memorized. What I thought would happen.

Mom and Dad rush to the hospital
They have a baby

The Dr. says "It's a .....fill in the blank here." Even though the parents already filled in that, atleast 5 months ago. It's no surprise, but everyone shrieks with delight.

Dad cuts cord

Docs and nurses clean baby up

Swaddle the little munchkin

Place in mom's arms

cue the tears......

and roll the credits.

If you've seen them, you know its true. And while my experience was VERY similiar, there was just one teensy tiny thing missing when they placed Miles in my arms.

Where was the EMOTION I had come to expect? Obviously, I was thrilled. And of course a little tired. But watching the video, I was comletely unprepared for my indisputable dry eyes.

In my defense, it all happened SO fast, I barely had time to process the whole thing before they plopped him down in my lap.

But truthfully, I think it was because:

I had


Now though.....NOW.....I know.

And lack of tears are never a problem.

Just open up the flood gates folks, because here they come.

I had no idea then that the year to follow would be the best of my life. That if you asked me today, I would have to tell you it couldn't possibly get any better than this.

And that when I write about Miles, I cry.

When I think about him, I cry.

When I even think about thinking about him, I cry.

When I sneak into his room in the middle of the night because he is so darn cute and I can't imagine going a whole night without seeing him, I cry.

When I look through old pictures and see him getting so big already, I cry.

And when I realize the last year FLEW by, and I know the next ones will too..... you get the idea. I cry. I cry. I cry.

I can't help it. I don't ever think it will stop.

And there are more than tears. There are plenty of worries.

Am I teaching him enough? Did he eat enough vegetables today? If I buy regular whole milk instead of organic whole milk, am I going to ruin his life? Do I read to him enough? Should he be saying his animal sounds by now? Did I close the gate to the kitchen so he can't eat the dog food? He ate the dog bad is that exactly?

The worrying never stops.

But neither do the lion growls. Or the screeches of delight chasing Marlee around the living room. Or the Peekaboos, or the So-bigs. Or the smiles, or the chuckles, or the laughter.

Yes....I'm a pretty lucky girl.

And I sure love my Smiley Miley

***end of Mushyness***

***drying eyes***

***and moving on***

We celebrated Miles' first birthday twice. Once in Evanston while I was visiting, and once in Phoenix with our friends. And we have plenty of pictures. Here are just a few.

Evanston Birthday

The cake for Everyone.

The cake for Miles

Sure love that Grandma Great

And that Papa....who is also pretty Great

Huh??? all this cake is for ME???

First Taste

Lots of tastes

My favorite part is the frosting....Just like Mom

More to come:

Phoenix Birthday, presents, cards, and fun activities since the big day. Stay tuned for part 2.


  1. I know exactly how you feel. My first moment with Owen was just like that. I thought I would look in his eyes and have this instant connection. They could have given me any kid. I felt like I had no idea who this little creature was. Four years later & I can't remember my life without him in it. When I first met you Sarah and you & Mike said you didn't want any kids. I have to be honest, my first thought was: "What a sad & lonely existence, they will never know the joy, & heart bursting love that I have." Now you know, & I couldn't be happier for two people.

  2. I really look forward to all those emotions you feel as a parent! Someday. I love little Miles, he is such a doll. It's so much fun having neices and nephews! We miss Miles and you guys a lot!

  3. Sam, I wish I could just copy what you wrote and paste it. It's exactly how I feel and it's exactly what I've been trying to do, describe what can't be described. I too had a HUGE lack of emotions on the day that Kehl was born but I've made up for it everyday a hundred times over. Every moment is too fast and all the doubting of being a good parent is too overwhelming. I second guess everything and everything I do makes me feel like I'm dooming my child to some menial life. With all this doubt, though, I'd do it ALL over again. Thanks for your way with words.

  4. Loved what you wrote. So true. Carter turns 2 tomorrow and I can't believe it...seeing your clip scared me to death... I'm getting closer to doing the whole ordeal again and I'm terrified!